Stress and stuff

Work really pissed me off last week. I was so angry that I still have a krick in my neck today. A bunch of things came together for me in my mind about things going on in the office. And, I guess I’m still angry.

I have been working hard to complete an application that I developed a new CF OO Framework for. … Yes there are a few really good frameworks out there but I needed something more simple that I could easily understand and have others use without much trouble. … back to my point … And I did not get one drop of help when I asked for it. As nice as my fellow co-workers are this was a slap in the face. Ok I shrugged that off and put my nose to the grind stone and finished the project (supposedly but that supposed end I’ll talk about further on)

I then see a need for a project manager in our group and I hear about some money coming down the pike so I send a detailed letter off to my boss about my desire to follow this road to management and get absolutely no reply. I did not CC it to anyone else (i.e. the director of our group) because I unlike everyone else in the group will not go over his head. I don;t really shrug it off but I let it flow under the bridge, it is after all a scary thing to pursue.

I see another opportunity for advancement in a line of study of a product called Micromuse it interesting and I see a need for someone other then the contractors that come in to know how to program this thing. So I go to the director … yeah yeah over head but it better then being ignored … and ask to be trained in this. i am told by him that I shall be the first to go train and eventually my whole group will be trained also. We need a pioneer! Harah! later in the week I hear from my boss that I know has talked to the director says that another person will go for training first and does not even mention me as one of the people that will go training. he then goes on to say that i will just be the front end development guy (something that I have net really been doing for the last two years) not even saying that I am one of the programers.

ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!

I do not react right away in my shock I say that I have not been really designing for the last 2 years and I want to be included in the training. He says that I of course am included in the training… ugh! … so i plod on and seeing a need for a single project manager say that I can manage this project for the group and here is the road map we should follow — “I think I will manage the project.” is all I hear. I kind of stop from that point on it’s the end of the day.

I head home and on this trek I usually join my buddy and we talk on our way to Penn Station to catch the LIRR. He is high up in the totem pole so we try to make sure our conversations do not stray from normal grips and family stuff going on in our lives but i mention this one thing to him and I hear from him that I might not be considered for some group that is being formed (vague I know and it will stay that way)

So all this stews in my brain all the way home and I explode at my wife my kid and my father who likes to show up in my house when i least want him there especially as angry as I am now! I go to my room and just go nuts for the whole weekend. I write an agenda and on monday I am determined to meet with the director and this I do. Of course this gets to my boss who is hurt but I got the message though that I want to fix things in our group and help us really work together as a team.

Of course all this just lays more responsibility on my shoulders not helping my krick at all. So here I am trying to write the krick out of my neck. Yet this just works to bring it freshly to mind and the krick is back worse then before.

Ugh! the price I pay for my anger/frustration… will try to report more but as you now know I am pretty busy.